What If Words Hurt MORE Than Sticks & Stones?

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I’m going to warn you . . . my Toast has been a just a wee bit burnt this week. No . . . its all-the-way burnt. To tell you the truth . . . its charcoal black, smelling up the kitchen, burnt to a crisp! As I listen to reports of Michael Duvall’s open mic locker room chit-chat, Joe Wilson’s impassioned classroom outburst, and Kanye West’s playground bully tactics . . . I get this sour feeling in the pit of my stomach. The media outrage is giving these “children” exactly what they want – attention!

I understand that Duvall’s behavior is inexcusable. I believe that Wilson’s outburst was disrespectful. And Kanye West picked on a sweet, adorable, talented 19-year-old girl who didn’t deserve it. But I would ask the esteemed members of our oh-so-compassionate media . . . what about the 18-year-old South African girl? What about the sweet teenager who’s being treated with inexcusable disregard, heartbreaking disrespect, and international bullying?

Are you so busy trying to sensationalize a dirty old man spanking a lobbyist, villainize an impassioned lawmaker who failed to hold his tongue, and prove once again that the cognac guzzling performer is immature and narcissistic that you can’t “see the forest for the trees”? I don’t care if Mikey’s resignation is an admission of adultery. I’m not interested in how many times The Joe-ster apologizes. I’m pretty sure that Westie-poo-pants drank more Hennessy than he should have. I don’t want to hear where “Aneris” threatened to put her balls ONE more time. And I certainly don’t care if you think that the VMA incident was staged.

I want to know what makes it okay for you to publicly sensationalize Caster Semenya’s private pain? I want to know why the reports that you’re running tell us intimate details of her biology? What makes you think that her birth defects are any of my business? Where is the outrage at the lack of empathy this controversy is being treated with? Why aren’t the celebrities “twittering” about that? The public scrutiny over whether this talented athlete is genetically male or female is inexcusable and disrespectful & I think that she’s being bullied.

"I wish they would leave my daughter alone . . . She is my little girl. I raised her and I have never doubted her gender. She is a woman and I can repeat that a million times.”
Semenya's father, Jacob Semenya

Big salty tears well up in my eyes every time I think about her. I remember 18 – people can be so cruel. And all I was dealing with were older boys and jealous girls. I can’t imagine being bullied by the IAAF and International Media.

And then a question that Robin Meade (one of my favorite anchors and a sister optimist) posed really made me think. She asked “how do you inspire self-confidence in others?” I am going to share my tips with you. They are simple. And they may not even begin to address the sort of anguish that Caster is enduring. But they work for me. And perhaps they will for some of you. For Caster . . . well I’ve made plenty of room in my prayers.

Words can lift you up but only if you honor them. And they can tear you down, but only if you let them.

• My Mother taught me by example that the way you sign your name is an important part of self-esteem. She sat with me when I was a little girl and we created & practiced a unique and attractive way for me to sign my name. It’s something that you do many times throughout the day. And I find that honoring the practice with care and beauty give me a sense of pride that extends far beyond the simple task of signing my name. I am often complimented on my signature and each compliment makes me smile and feel good about myself. I encourage my friends to make this a tradition with their children.
  
  
• I also like to carry a small notebook in my purse. When someone thanks me or compliments me or tells me something about myself that I am proud of, I scribble the accolade in my notebook. I would also recommend transferring these into a scrapbook that you can access when your self-esteem takes a hit. It’s just as important, as well, to thank the person who gave you the compliment. Never diminish it. Accept it fully, take it in & thank them whole-heartedly.
  
  
• But people (unfortunately) can also be cruel. And try as you may to surround yourself with positive people, there will be occasions when you run into a “Nellie Olson.” If this happens and you hear that someone has said something derogatory about you – it’s important that you let go of it as soon as possible. I have found that it’s helpful to make my way to the nearest “powder room,” write the offensive words on toilet paper & flush them down the drain where they belong. It helps me to let go of the sentiment. If someone that you care for says something directly to you – I like to tell them something that Jill Rogers, a teacher of mine, once advised me to say:

“You don’t mean that. You care about me and you are angry so you have
forgotten that in this moment. But I will remember for you until you can
remember again.”

You can’t control what people say, sometimes the words will be positive and sometimes they will be negative, you can only make a difference in your self-esteem by the way that you respond them. And honoring the positive is just as important as letting go of the negative.
aS, Ashley Smith

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