I used to write for a column called "Macon Out" - fictitious names, true stories. The post below is one that I wrote after my nephew was born. That was six years ago today. What a lucky girl I am that God sent him to us.
"Macon Out" November, 2004
Yes, Ladies and Gents, I – Isabella - am in love!
But please . . . if you’re charming and dashing and, most importantly, available don’t put away your palm pilot because there is still room for my number in there. Yes, I’m in love but I’m not dead. The sky is still blue and the street is still Cherry and I am still “Macon Out” much less than I would like too. I’m not saying that there aren’t quite a few very delicious options and those who say that there aren’t any good men out there or that they are too hard to find are just plain wrong. There are so many wonderful men to choose from and I may even have my eye on one in particular. But – to date – I haven’t been spoken for and I’m not quite ready to quit batting my eyelashes. So before you start thinking that I’m a two-timing hussy, let me explain:
Jackson Beau was born almost a week early and four days prior to my birthday. The Friday night that we lit my 29 candles (I like to celebrate for a full week) - and a bonfire that can only be compared to the burning of Atlanta – Jackson Beau came into this world and stole my heart. I woke up at five o’clock in the morning and drove seven hours through a blinding thunderstorm to arrive at the hospital and stand drenched and breathless in the lobby trying to divine which hallway would lead me to my newborn nephew. I was trembling but I wasn’t cold or nervous. I was more completely happy than I can ever say that I’ve been before that moment.
And then my feet, or the angels, led me down one of the halls, around several turns and through a doorway . . . and there he was. My heart ached with happiness. It was as if, in one instant, I had more love to give than my heart would ever have room for. I tasted salty tears in my mouth that I hadn’t even felt run down my cheeks and the other twenty people in the room faded away as I held him in my arms and breathed in the sweet smell of my petite prince. He was perfect . . . and I was perfectly in love. I held onto him – covering him in kisses for more than a week. I’ve spent my whole life trying to love more and better and stronger and truer. My ability to love baby Beau surpassed my greatest ambitions.
After a week or so, I reluctantly packed my things in the car and headed back to Macon to face “28” and “the real world.”
I was to find my only consolation in a bowl of ice cream and a best friend. First Friday gave me a chance to shake the blues. One pair of red suede Donald Pliner boots and matching cashmere wrap later, I was sans blue and off to the ball. Over a bowl of what appeared to be several thousand mood enhancing calories at Adriana’s, my dear friend Lilly was gushing about her new beaux and I was mooning over my petite Beau. We laughed and talked and got sticky and messy and just plain had fun. Lilly is five and one of the most precious souls that I know. But what she said next took my breath away and will forever be one of my most treasured memories.
As we walked hand in hand down the street she looked up at me and said “I’ve been thinking about you a lot – and I miss you” her big brown eyes welled up “but I’ve kept all of the cards that you have ever sent me . . . and when I miss you, I can look at them and it makes me feel better.” I was stunned. I didn’t know what to say that wouldn’t sound ridiculously simple. So I gave her a big hug and held back big tears as I looked into those beautiful brown eyes and said “you are more precious to me than you will ever know.” And she is. Then a horse-drawn carriage pulled up and our evening ended in a magical ride through Downtown Macon as Lilly exclaimed “faster, faster” and I looked up at the stars and thanked the heavens for sending us little miracles like Lilly and Beau.
Monday morning, my yoga instructor read a meditation to us that really meant something to me. I was lying there with my eyes closed as she read aloud “may my heart grow wider and wider until nothing in this world is left outside, and I have nowhere to hide from love.” But how – you ask? I know I did. And then as I thought about Beau and Lilly, and the growing pains that my heart feels when I am around them I heard these words "whispered" in my ear . . .
“The wolf also shall dwell with the lamb, and the leopard shall lie down with the kid; and the calf and the young lion and the fatling together; and a little child shall lead them.”
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